The lights are up. The carols are playing. But inside, you feel tired, anxious, and somehow behind. You look at your list of tasks, feel guilty that you haven’t started, and worry you’ll disappoint someone. Instead of feeling festive, you’re buried under the weight of holiday expectations.
If you feel burnt out, compelled to please, or haunted by the idea of “perfect holidays”, you’re not alone. A 2024 survey from Yorkville University’s Faculty of Behavioural Sciences found that nearly half of Canadians see December as the most stressful month of the year [1]. It also showed that financial stress, which tends to rise during the holidays, can deeply affect mental well-being.
Women often feel this stress more. The survey also revealed that women are 40% more likely than men to feel heightened holiday stress and 30% more likely to worry about affording gifts. Between gift-giving, parties, entertaining, and regular responsibilities, it’s no wonder many women, especially working mothers, feel stretched thin [2].
This isn’t about shame. It’s about noticing what’s happening, understanding why, and remembering that it can be different this season.
Why the Holiday Season Feels So Heavy
The word “holiday” brings to mind rest, joy, and connection. But for many, it also means pressure. There are gift lists, family dynamics, social media comparisons, and the unspoken rule to be cheerful.
Financial strain, packed schedules, travel, and family tension all play a part. Over half of young adults aged 18 to 34 said they worry about affording gifts. When people-pleasing meets perfectionism, stress often follows [3].
When you combine people‑pleasing urges (wanting everyone to be happy) with the perfectionism of “doing it right”, you set yourself up for stress. And that’s where holiday burnout, Christmas anxiety, and people-pleasing holidays show their face.
The Hidden Signs of Holiday Burnout
Burnout isn’t just tiredness. It shows up in subtle but real ways, especially during this season. You might notice that:
- You wake up rested but still feel drained.
- You smile in social settings but feel empty inside.
- You’re always “on” for others, while your needs take a back seat.
- You feel guilty for wanting rest or alone time.
- You overdo everything, shopping, cooking, cleaning, and forget yourself.
- You hope the season will lift your mood, but it doesn’t.
- You feel heavy when you see your calendar filling up, even with things that “should” be fun.
- You numb out with scrolling, binge-watching, or eating to escape feelings.
Researchers describe this as “festive burnout”, stress from too many demands in too short a time [4].
Your nervous system doesn’t know this is supposed to be “fun”. It senses threat when you rush, overcommit or skip sleep. When these stressors build, your body and brain carry the weight.
Why Your Body Feels It Too
Your mind isn’t the only one working overtime. Your body feels the stress too. When you’re constantly busy, underslept, and tense, your nervous system stays on high alert. According to a Harvard article on holiday stress, a high level of demand can decrease memory, halt production of new brain cells, and cause existing brain cells to die [5].
When your sympathetic nervous system (‘fight or flight’) stays activated because of overload, you may feel:
- A racing heart or tight chest during small moments
- Trouble relaxing or shutting off your thoughts
- Jaw tension, stomach knots, or headaches
- Feeling on edge even when you say you’re fine
In short, holiday stress is real and felt. The more you override your nervous system’s cues for rest, the smaller your window of calm becomes.
How to Care for Yourself This Season
You don’t have to give up the holidays to feel better. You just need to move through them differently. Try these gentle shifts:
- Set one non-negotiable: self-care time.
Even ten minutes can help. Make rest part of your plan, not an afterthought. - Name your expectations.
Ask yourself what you’re doing out of joy and what you’re doing out of obligation. - Choose your core values.
Focus on what truly matters, family, connection, joy, and let that guide your plans. - Set simple boundaries.
It’s okay to skip a gathering or start a new tradition. Say no when you need to. - Take mindful pauses.
When your chest feels tight or your thoughts race, stop for a moment. Breathe. Let your body reset. - Rethink people-pleasing.
Helping others is beautiful, but not if it leaves you empty. Ask yourself if what you’re doing adds to your peace or drains it.
Why This Matters (Before You Hit January)
Holiday burnout isn’t just a few bad days. One major survey found that 79% of people overlook their health during the holidays [6].
That means what starts as “just too busy” can become weeks of fatigue, low mood or numbness. You don’t have to wait for January. You can shift now.
You’re Not Alone. You’re Just Human.
If you’re feeling that mix of pressure and exhaustion, you’re seen. You’re not broken. You’re simply reacting to a season that often asks too much.
If simplifying the holidays feels strange, that’s okay. You don’t need to fix everything. You just need to lighten your load.
At MindShift Integrative Therapy Centre, we support young adults who feel weighed down by the holiday season. If perfectionism, people-pleasing, or burnout feel familiar, our individual therapy and stress and burnout therapy can help you find balance again, at your own pace, in your own way.
You don’t have to wait for the new year. You can begin now.
Frequently Asked Questions:
Completely. Many people feel a quiet sense of release once the season ends, and then immediately feel guilty about it. That relief isn’t a sign that you’re cold or ungrateful, it’s often a sign that you were carrying more than you should have been. If you consistently dread or simply endure the holidays rather than enjoy them, it’s worth exploring what’s driving that, whether it’s overcommitment, family dynamics, or something deeper.
Guilt after setting a boundary is normal, but it doesn’t mean you did something wrong. It usually means you’re not used to prioritizing yourself. Start small, declining one thing that drains you rather than overhauling your entire schedule. Over time, saying no from a place of self-awareness feels less like letting someone down and more like protecting your capacity to actually show up well for the people who matter most.
Approaches that work with both the mind and body tend to be most effective for stress and burnout. Trauma-informed therapy, somatic work, and mindfulness-based practices can help regulate your nervous system, not just reframe your thoughts. If you’ve tried talk therapy before and felt like it only scratched the surface, it may be worth exploring an integrative approach that addresses how stress lives in your body, not just your mind.
Sources:
- Schultz, Krista. “Frontline Mental Health Professionals Consider Financial Stress to be the No. 1 Concern Facing Canadians Seeking Mental Health Support: Poll.” Yorkville University, January 15, 2024. https://www.yorkvilleu.ca/news/frontline-mental-health-professionals-consider-financial-stress-to-be-the-no-1-concern-facing-canadians-seeking-mental-health-support-poll/
- Schultz, Krista. “TELUS Health and Yorkville U say women are 40 per cent more likely than men to report feeling heightened stress during the holidays.” Yorkville University, December 11, 2024. https://www.yorkvilleu.ca/blog/telus-health-and-yorkville-u-say-women-are-40-per-cent-more-likely-than-men-to-report-feeling-heightened-stress-during-the-holidays/
- American Psychiatric Association. “One Quarter of Americans Say They Are More Stressed This Holiday Season Than in 2023, Citing Financial Concerns and Missing Loved Ones.” APA, November 25, 2024. https://www.psychiatry.org/News-room/News-Releases/One-Quarter-of-Americans-Say-They-Are-More-Stresse
- Burke, Jolanta. “Holiday burnout: why it happens – and three research-proven ways to help you recover.” MindFood, December 28, 2022. https://www.mindfood.com/article/holiday-burnout-why-it-happens-and-three-research-proven-ways-to-help-you-recover/
- Edwards, Scott. “Holiday Stress and the Brain.” Harvard Medical School, 2016. https://hms.harvard.edu/news-events/publications-archive/brain/holiday-stress-brain
